The necessity of building and tending to our relationships
I have always understood relationships to be necessary for my survival. Growing up with scarce financial resources, the necessity of relationships and the collective became clear at a young age. I witnessed it as many hands contributed to building the Habitat for Humanity house that I grew up in, I saw it in the church where meals would show up at the homes of the “sick and shut-in”, and in countless other ways the community showed up to make sure no one fell through the gaps.
My foundational understanding of how much we need each other has infused the way I show up in my work. I understand the building and cultivation of relationships to be the bedrock of the work I want to do to make this world a just and liberatory space for all who inhabit it. That being said, I don’t believe in building relationships with everyone and I do not operate from a place of self-sacrifice to “build bridges across differences”. There are enough people in the world that don’t question my humanity or rights to build with.
As a part-time introvert, I know it isn’t realistic or sustainable to manage limitless connections with intention. Centering and maintaining relationships should induce overwhelm. What I’m advocating for isn’t networking for networking's sake but instead of an attention to and prioritization of relationship building as a necessary aspect of our work towards collective liberation.
Relationship building to subvert white supremacy + capitalism Capitalism and white supremacy thrive because they are great at promoting individuality, isolating us in the name of success, and feeding us the idea that there isn’t enough for everyone. In centering relationships and network building, we can resist these systems and turn away from the falsehood that we need to be cutthroat, competitive, and narrowly focus on ourselves to “make it”. I have no desire to replicate or participate in the exclusive, hierarchical, and transactional networks that so many of us have been barred from. My commitment to building relationships and to move with the community not against it nor in competition has allowed me to understand the abundance that exists.
Building relationships to sharpen our justice praxis As I work towards living in a world where ALL Black, Indigenous, and People of Color can experience freedom and joy in their lifetimes, I must work across movements to sharpen my analysis of the specific ways various aspects of our society determine a person’s ability to thrive. Many systems of oppression collide to produce oppression and being narrowly focused in our fight for a just world just isn’t going to cut it. As someone who primarily works in the environmental field, I understand how inextricably connected that work is to housing justice, economic justice, abolition, and queer/ trans liberation. Audre Lorde said, “There is no thing as a single-issue struggle because we do not live single-issue lives.” Because of this, we must build relationships with those working across struggles to alleviate the intersecting oppressions that exist.
Building relationships to hold us accountable Being in relationship with others allows us to hold each other and see the humanity in each other as we hold one another accountable to dismantling systems of oppression. When we have taken the time to know and understand those we are in community with, we are able to be in conflict and manage tensions in ways that do cause rupture but instead produce greater alignment. Imagine relationships that are so abundant and buoyant, that we move alignment & check each other. Relationships that hold us accountable, tell us no, and push us to dream bigger.
Building relationships so that we can rest How often have you heard or said to yourself, “If I don’t do it, then no one will.” Believing that you can or need to do it all is an unsustainable approach to the massive injustice that exists in the world. When we build relationships that are politically, socially, and justly aligned, we can look around and see that we aren’t alone in our desire to move us all closer toward liberation. There is rest to be found in knowing you exist in a strong network. It’s these networks that keep us afloat and don't let us sink when we need to rest. I want to live in a world where people say, “If I can’t do it, I have a community of people that will.”
In Emergent Strategy, adrienne maree brown writes “We would understand that the strength of our movement is in the strength of our relationships, which could only be measured by their depth. Scaling up would mean going deeper, being more vulnerable and more empathetic.” As I reflect on 2022, I am filled with immense gratitude for the relationships and networks that have held me up and pushed me to dream bigger. As we head into a new year, I encourage you to cultivate and tend to your relationships like your livelihood depends on it, because it does.
If you want some ideas to start, here are a few of my regular practices:
Find 30 minutes to get on the phone with that person interested in the work you do or to review their resume. It’s a small commitment that can really make a difference — for you and them.
Don’t have time for a call? But know someone who does — make an introduction.
The network gap is real. Share opportunities with your network.
Get curious about other people’s work. Seek out people who work in your field but working in different mediums – connect with the artist, writers, organizers.