Chipping away from the outside: A One Year Reflection on Consulting
A year ago I stepped away from what might very well be my last full-time role in an organization. My decision to start consulting wasn’t part of a long-term goal or something I considered in depth before leaving my last job. It was a leap I made in hopes of relieving the crushing pressure I felt as a young Black person in the nonprofit sector. I didn’t know exactly what I was getting into with consulting but I did know that the mental, physical, and emotional toll of making space for myself as a Black woman, trying to make space for others, and doing my job, all while being underpaid, was too much.
The pressure has always been there but was made exponentially worse with the COVID-19 pandemic and racial uprising of summer 2020. The colliding impacts of these two paradigm-shifting events zapped any “extra” energy I had to give organizations that wanted to continue business as usual. I could no longer work for organizations that didn’t have a clear and practiced anti-oppressive framework. I was no longer interested in being underpaid to wear several hats. I no longer wanted to give 40 hours a week to an organization where I was the only one. I no longer want to give ideas to leaders that pretended to ignore them and then repackaged them as their own.
Being able to step away from someone else’s theory of change and understanding of work has given me space to understand the type of ecosystem that I need to be my most creative and expansive self. It’s a privilege as an early 30-year-old Black woman to be able to have autonomy around how, when, and how much I work. Before stepping away, I didn’t realize just how much time I was spending in meetings, advocating for myself, and doing a billion things that weren’t my job
Consulting has allowed me to engage in projects that align with my experience, expertise, and personal theory of change. Early in my career, I was siloed into DEI work but it wasn’t what I was interested in doing. Strategic visioning and planning have always been at the core of what motivates me in this world. I thrive when I’m in a position to foster dreaming bigger and more strategically to live out anti-oppressive and liberatory practices. As a consultant with multiple clients and projects in motion, I have a wider view of the field. This vantage point allows me a sharper analysis of the barriers and opportunities to provide strategies and recommendations toward collective impact and change. As a natural network weaver, I’m able to tie my projects and networks together to strengthen the work we’re all doing to move towards a liberatory and just world.
I’m aware of the social capital I have in my field and how it has allowed me to say no, be experimental, and create work for myself. The meandering path that I’ve had in the environmental and outdoor space coupled with my love of people and commitment to authentic and delightful relationships has led me to have a robust, responsive, and supportive network where many opportunities sprout from. It’s because of this that I feel an obligation, to be honest, and transparent about the space and privileges that I hold in being able to work in this way. Including recognizing and rejecting the ways organizations tend to look towards consultants to help them maintain the status quo and drown out the voices of people, especially Black, Indigenous, and People of Color, within the organization. I’m committed to embracing the freedom consulting provides but not at the cost of replicating problematic and oppressive structures.
I aim to use the space I have to make space for others. While I’m working on the “outside”, my commitment to the liberation and joy of Black, Indigenous, People of Color, and other marginalized people in our society has been unwavering. Working on the outside has freed up so much brain space that my commitment has deepened and I have become more unapologetic in my approach.
With the space I have in my schedule, I do my best to make myself available for Black, Indigenous, and People of Color who are seeking kinship, mentorships, and connections. I am a deep believer in the power of networks and relationships as spaces where we can be held accountable and pushed to dream bigger.
Earlier this year, I designated Mondays as a day where I only connect with Black folks. There are so many brilliant Black folks that I want to dream, build, and support that having a day, at the start of the week to do that, has been revolutionary. (If you’re Black and reading this, get at me!)
As I mark this first anniversary and have a bit more footing underneath me, I am taking time to examine, make shifts, and grapple with the problematic space consulting can occupy. Some of the questions that I’m holding at the center as I reflect are:
How do I work in this capacity without replicating harmful practices that allow organizations to go unchecked?
How can I leverage my role and social capital to build power and uplift the voices of Black, Indigenous, People of Color, LGBTQIA+, disabled people, hourly workers, and others that aren’t usually privy to decision making?
How do I make sure the work is sustained beyond the length of my contract?
I believe taking the time to reflect, pause, and make shifts is critical in the journey towards liberation. As I work in this capacity, I’m committed to using any space that I have to make more for others to work, dream, and build in ways that are liberatory, joyful, and towards a society where we are all free.